DJ Roze's Official Guide to Being "I'm On A Boat" for Halloween

One of the easiest costumes for Halloween also happens to be one of the classiest - if you're searching for a fun and timely costume idea this year, look no further! I'll shamelessly take credit for using this idea as a Halloween costume. Here's how you put it together...

1. Watch The Video! This gives you context so you know what the heck you're talking about when people ask you what you are for Halloween.
   
2. Watch the video again. It's freaking awesome.
3. Now it's time to put your costume together. Pull in elements from the video based on what you already have available or what you have access to - get creative! To be as cool as me, here's what went into my "I'm On A Boat" costume, from top down:
   • Ocean Hair This can go a few different ways; leave it shaggy or style it like a wave like I did (any ordinary gel or styling putty will do!). This is not strictly from the video but lends a nice oceanic theme to your face.
   • Sportcoat / Tuxedo Jacket
   • White Dress Shirt
   • Bow Tie: Sadly, I could not locate this item in time, but I meant to include it. If you don't have one, just use an open-collar white shirt, it's equally classy and gives you an excuse to unbutton your shirt.
   • Spatula: Carry this with you everywhere. When people ask, "Why are you carrying a spatula?", simply say, "I'm flippin' burgers, you're at Kinko's straight flippin' copies!"
   • Swim Trunks
   • Flippy Floppies

   Other suitable accessories would include (but not be limited to):

   • Bling
   • Top Hat - T-Pain style.
   • Nautical Themed Pashmina Afghan - Tried to find this, but surprisingly, Wal-Mart and Target don't carry it.
   • White Nautical Boat Uniform Pictured In Video
   • Santana Champ - Because it's so crisp! (Consult local rules and regulations for carrying alcohol on your person. ;))

   Ladies, I hate to say it but I think you are pretty limited in your options on this costume. Basically, you're going to have to dress up as the topless mermaid. I'll leave the details to you.

4. Wear your costume! Enjoy it! Listen to the song again to get amped up before you go out in public.

Now you're rockin' your costume, but there are a few guidelines to keep in mind.

1. Never change the name of your costume - that is, you can't say "My costume is being on a boat", "I'm riding on a boat", or anything of that nature. The beauty of this costume is it's one of the only costumes where it's actually better for someone to ask you what you are for Halloween - always, always, ALWAYS respond with these exact words: "I'm On A Boat!" Even if someone asks you, "Are you on a boat?", don't reply "yes" or "yep" - respond, "I'M ON A BOAT!!!" Put some extra emphasis in when this happens because that person is awesome for knowing what your costume is.
2. Quote the song as often as possible. After saying "I'm On A Boat", feel free to follow it up with something like "I got my swim trunks, and my flippy floppies", gesturing at your clothing appropriately.
3. If you're patronizing a bar with Santana Champ(agne), by all means, order it! When the waiter doesn't ask you why you ordered it, make sure you tell him anyway: "Because it's so crisp!"
4. Half the people you meet (all of the people over 50 you meet) will have no idea what your costume is. That's OK, they're not on a boat, but just be prepared for it. Remember, it's OK because you're I'M ON A BOAT!!!

Disclaimer: I didn't invent the video, phrase, song, etc... of "I'm On A Boat!" - it belongs to the fancy people at Saturday Night Live and/or The Lonely Island.